Most of us have a sense of joy and nostalgia when we think about our childhood memories. They take us on a walk down memory lane, reminding us of funny stories, silly moments, and meaningful experiences that have shaped who we are.
But what happens when those memories are intertwined with painful experiences? What if, instead of bringing comfort, childhood memories are connected to fear, sadness, anger, or difficulty trusting and connecting with others?
For children who have experienced trauma, making sense of their history can be especially challenging. Traumatic experiences can leave a child feeling unsafe and vulnerable, and can affect the way they relate to others. These effects can look different for every child, depending on their experiences, circumstances, and the support available to them.
Helping children make sense of their early life experiences alongside new ones can help them develop a coherent understanding of their personal story, and recognize the significant people in their lives. This can be a powerful way to support their emotional well-being.
This is where Lifebooks can make a difference
Think about the last time you opened up an album with your childhood photos and family pictures. What feelings did it bring up? What stories or memories did those photographs bring back? How many vivid memories were you able to recollect and how many important people in your life did those images help you remember?
A Lifebook can become a meaningful record of a child’s memories, experiences and personal history. Whether you are recording an activity, saving a photograph or writing down important information about the child’s history, each contribution helps preserve a part of the child’s formative years.
Lifebooks can look like paper sheets that contain personal questionnaires that could be filled out along with the child. They might also have sections for pictures to be added or to be colored by the child. Some parents create a photo album while storing important documents for the child. Digital Lifebooks, such as the Ella LifeBook, allow for other ways to organize pictures, documents, videos and all of the child’s information to be stored in one place.
No matter how the creation of a Lifebook comes about, these are some of the things to keep in mind as we continue to take into consideration that most children in care have experienced adversity, separation or significant changes. However, every child’s experiences and responses are unique.
Every child’s story is unique and a Lifebook can take many forms. The following elements can help children make sense of their experiences and develop a deeper understanding of their life story:
- Photographs with context, including names, dates, locations, and explanations of what was happening. “Today I had a great day with my aunt Sally at Grand Park. It was fun spending time with her on her birthday”
- Important life events that have shaped the child’s journey: “Mommy Jenny, Daddy Luke and me on my adoption day”
- Meaningful moments and special memories worth preserving. Add a picture and describe what was happening for the child (if they are too young). “Smiling for the camera to show off my first tooth”
- Personal history, including relevant information about the child’s background and identity. As children grow older, they might want to learn more about their background, where they have lived, and their biological family. Where appropriate and permitted, preserving accurate information about their origins and family connections can help them explore their identity and personal history.
- Important documents, such as birth certificates and school records, or information about where these are safely kept. As children move from one place to another, it can become more and more difficult for them to have access to their own personal information. Knowing that they have this information stored in a safe location that they can access when needed is essential and comforting.
- Dates and locations associated with foster homes, schools, and agencies involved in the child’s care.
- Descriptions of developmental stages and milestones that reflect the child’s growth and achievements. “I’ve been growing! We measured my height yesterday and the new marking on the door frame is a lot higher than it was last week.”
- Meaningful people and relationships in the child’s life. “I spoke with my best friend Jim, I don’t get to see him often, but I’m able to stay in touch, hear about his adventures and tell him all about mine.”
- Records of relevant services and support the child has received. “My forehead was feeling a bit warm yesterday and Terry decided to have the doctor check me out. I’m doing much better now.”
A Lifebook can become a timeline of a child’s life, bringing together memories, important moments, places, and people. It can help children explore their past and present while preserving meaningful experiences and acknowledging their history in a positive and sensitive way. Ultimately a Lifebook can support a child in developing a more coherent understanding of who they are and how their life experiences have shaped their life stories.
Using Trauma-informed Tools to Build a Lifebook
Start with Safety and Trust
A Lifebook may contain sensitive details about a child’s family, care history, relationships, and personal experiences. It is important to consider who can access this information, how it is stored, and when it is appropriate to share it. For digital Lifebooks, caregivers should review the platform’s privacy and security practices and follow relevant safeguarding and recordkeeping requirements. Throughout the process, children’s personal histories should be handled with care, respecting their dignity, privacy, and individual circumstances.
The first step in creating a Lifebook is to help the child or adolescent feel safe, comfortable and involved in decisions about how their personal information is recorded and stored.
For children who are too young to fully express their own wishes, or understand the information being documented, it is important to use sensitive, respectful, and age-appropriate language. The information recorded should be written with the understanding that the child may revisit their Lifebook as they grow older and begin to develop a deeper understanding of their personal history.
Encourage Expression Through Different Activities
Providing children with a safe space to talk, write, draw or capture meaningful moments through photographs can give them different ways to express their feelings, make sense of their experiences, and begin to organize their thoughts.
Describing a child’s experience in a sensitive and age-appropriate way, highlighting positive memories, and creating opportunities to record new experiences can help children develop a more balanced understanding of their life story, acknowledging difficult experiences while also recognizing the positive moments and relationships that shape their lives.
Establish a Routine
Establishing a routine can be a helpful part of trauma-informed care, as consistency can help children develop a sense of predictability and security. Setting aside regular time each week to work on a Lifebook with a child can also create an opportunity to strengthen trust, build connections, and explore their life story at a pace that feels comfortable for them.
Give Children a Voice in Their Story
Depending on the child’s age, developmental stage, and individual needs, giving them a sense of ownership over their life story and involving them in decisions about their Lifebook can be highly beneficial. Encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings, choose what is meaningful to them, and contribute the memories, people, and experiences they consider important can help them develop a greater sense of control.
Create Space for Big Feelings
Providing a safe and supportive space where children can explore and express big feelings can also be therapeutic. Rather than feeling that they need to suppress their emotions or struggling to communicate what they are experiencing, children can be encouraged to express their feelings in ways that feel manageable and appropriate for them.
Preserve Meaningful Relationships
Supporting children in recognizing and maintaining meaningful relationships is another way a Lifebook can be valuable. Recording memories of significant people in a child’s life and preserving information about those relationships, wherever appropriate and possible can help acknowledge the connections that have shaped their story.
For children who have been separated from their families or removed from their homes, this can also provide an opportunity to recognize the feelings of loss and grief they may experience while helping them maintain a connection to important parts of their personal history.
For more practical trauma-informed ideas, explore this guide: Creating a Trauma-Informed Home: Essential Tips for New & Existing Foster Parents.
Following the Child’s Lead
Every child’s story is unique, and there is no single right way to create a Lifebook. It’s important to remember trauma affects every child differently. Some children may enjoy looking through photographs, drawing pictures, or sharing memories, while others may find certain topics difficult to discuss. It is important to respect each child’s feelings, readiness, and individual needs throughout the process.
Children should never feel pressured to share memories or discuss experiences they are not comfortable exploring. Allowing them to take breaks, having them choose which memories they want to include, and returning to difficult topics when they feel ready, can help create a more supportive experience. If a child becomes distressed or needs help working through difficult emotions, don’t hesitate to request assistance from the child’s social worker or a qualified professional that can provide appropriate guidance and has been trained to work with children experiencing trauma.
The aim is not to complete the Lifebook as quickly as possible, but to create a meaningful resource that can grow and change alongside the child. Their story can continue to develop as they grow older, learn more about their history, and experience new relationships and milestones.
Ultimately, as parents and caregivers, you have an opportunity to help children who have experienced trauma make sense of their life stories in ways that are sensitive, honest, and appropriate to their needs. Through the creation of a Lifebook, you can help children acknowledge difficult experiences, preserve meaningful memories, and recognize the important relationships that have shaped their lives. By approaching this process with patience, understanding, and compassion, you can support children on their journey of piecing together everything that makes them who they are.